This is a fictitious story based on a true phenomenon.
I wasn't feeling very normal today, so I went to the doctor's to see what the problem was.
Feeling extremely nervous, everything seemed more conspicuous than usual as I stepped into the clinic. The anti-bacterial detergent scent was so strong, it practically burned my windpipe. And those posters showing complicated diagrams of the human anatomy that no one ever looks at seemed to jump out at me.
Dr Doowof checked my heart rate, blood pressure, sugar level and cholesterol level. Looking dead serious, he pushed his sliding spectacles back up his sharp Roman nose.
"So, is there anything wrong with me?" I questioned anxiously.
He began scribbling notes in that incoherent font doctors are awfully fond of.
"Well... you're suffering from E.W.S... Quite common, but quite difficult to cure."
I felt the tears coming. "Tell me frankly, doctor. H-how much time have I got left?"
"Oh, no. It's not life threatening. E.W.S. stands for Exam Withdrawal Symptoms. People who suffer from this feel lousily lighthearted, terribly unburdened, hopelessly lazy, dreadfully joyful, disturbingly relaxed -"
"Alright, I get it. So is there any medication I need to take?"
Dr Doowof's eyebrows, which were like bushy growths of wiry grey hairs, plunged down towards his dull hazel eyes, and creases streaked across his forehead. It was as if he were contemplating a great mystery.
"I could recommend some medication to improve your condition, but there are no guarantees. Take one of these stress-inducing tablets twice a day, a half hour before meals."
"These are much too expensive," I answered, shaking my head. "Any other options?"
"You could go for very effective therapy sessions by my old friend Dug, a renowned therapist. For your age, it'll just be... $260 per session."
I nearly had a heart failure. "Absolutely not. Surely there is something else I can do that isn't as costly!"
"Mmm, yes. Go on a diet of ginseng, gooseberries, chamomile tea with essence of coconut..." His voice trailed off as he realised that I was shaking my head vigorously.
"Please, doctor. I really need a treatment that is affordable for me."
I squirmed in my chair as he thought for a minute, stroking a non-existent beard. At last he broke his silence.
"Ah, yes. You could try this rather unconventional treatment: Rest well, keep warm, and drink plenty of fluids."
I stared at him, dumbfounded, but before I could say anything he added cheerfully, "So you won't be needing any medication, but there's still the consultation fee. Let's see... $70 please."
"What? I need to give you 70 bucks for telling me that I just need to sleep and drink water?"
"No no no, that's not the way it works!" he chuckled as my face flushed red with indignation. "$10 for diagnosis, and $15 for each treatment I suggested to you. That's how it is here in Singapore. Everything's got a price, eh? Am I right?"
I paid and stormed out of the clinic, vowing to study overseas.
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2 comments:
Lol! But is this a story or were you really not feeling well? Cause if you were not feeling well they DEFINITELY wouldn't check your Cholestrol, blood pressure etc.But if you were sick then GET WELL SOON!! and come to school tomorrow! :):)
naaaahhh it's Exam Withdrawal Symptoms! i'm feeling bright & cheerful, which in this story, is supposedly a bad thing, and you have to get a ton of things checked to confirm that it is E.W.S. =D
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