Recently, there has been plenty of reports about gangs causing trouble around Singapore. First, the Downtown East murder (two gangs are currently being investigated in connection with the murder) and now, a parang-slashing spree in Bukit Panjang by yours truly, a gang.
Now, I'm not going to start rattling on about how the Singapore government should try harder to nab gangs, tighten security (especially during Halloween) and all.
Instead, I've cooked up a handy (and daft) guide called 'How to Defend Oneself Against Gangsters'. Here it is:
How to Defend Oneself Against Gangsters
by Qweeb
You'll need:
- Brains,
- Alertness,
- Friends/family/pets with you,
- And a self-defense kit.
Prevention is better than... A THROWDOWN WITH GANGSTAS. So how does one avoid encounters with a gang? Simple.
Never thought I'd actually have to quote PCK but... 'use your brain', and be alert. Don't you go wanderin' around with your head in the clouds, sister. Think about where you are. What you are doing. Who is around you. Look out for anything or anyone suspicious (especially bunnies with gray noses, don't ask me why). Ensure that you are constantly near crowded areas. Don't go out by yourself, but with family or friends or a big ferocious bulldog.
If you can help it, don't make yourself stand out too much when in pubic, e.g. wearing a neon pink jumpsuit, huge croc skin cloak or a bright green wig. In case you need to run away from something suspicious, you can easily blend in with the crowd by not wearing anything too bulky or flashy. Argh, just wear camouflage, would ya? Borrow your dad's old army uniform or something.
Okay, here comes the fun bit.
If you somehow still run into a gang and need to defend yourself, here's what you need to do.
Do not scream and run if there's no one else around, because your efforts will be in vain and will aggravate the gang even more. Keep cool and quiet. Summon your inner Kung Fu (or should I say Qweeb Fu).
When they come near enough, grab pepper spray (or strong instant-kill bug spray or any other spray that'll sting) from your self-defense kit and spray away. Aim for the eyes. Their sight is the only thing they've got to know where they are. Humans don't have super-smell or super-hearing, so once they can't see, they haven't got much of a chance.
Ran out of pepper spray? Get out your cans of whipped cream (or any other thick, opaque liquidy substance like paint) and bombs away! Cream their faces! Then... run for it.
To learn more methods of self-defense against gangsters, order the full hard copy of 'How to Defend Oneself Against Gangsters'. Call 333-This-Is-A-Fake-Number to order your copy now, for only $79.99 plus shipping!
And that's Qweeb's Perspective!
And that's Qweeb's Perspective!
Okie so now it's time for the 30 Day Blog Challenge!
Day 08 - A photo that makes you angry/sad
I do not own this image
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